MTV has ruined my grandma! Help!

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One of the funniest things about the south is the casualness of the dress and at the same time the fanciness of the dress. For football games girls put on pearls, dresses, and heels. Men put on button downs and ties. This dates back the civil war where “picnickers” would put on their finest attire and go and have a nice lunch while cheering on the men in battle. What has changed is that the battle is no longer war, but football.

http://totalfratmove.com

http://totalfratmove.com

Yet to walk their dogs in the neighborhood they put on pajamas, or hell sometimes they put on the pajama shirt and forget the pants.

image from dipity

I have seen a large number of people walking their dogs in the morning in the nightwear. Women in skimpy satin pjs just a walking their dog without a care in the world. Old men with nightshirts that are way to short to be worn without pants. Some in sweatpants even though it is 80 degrees at seven am.

Sure you may think it is just my crazy neighborhood, but it is not. I have seen this in multiple neighborhoods all over town. Whatever happened to putting on presentable pajamas before going out with the dog?

I would blame the MTV, or dirty music, but it is elderly people doing this my friends. And I know they are not watching the MTV.

Or are they?

 

 

You want me to go where?!!

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I used to have a class on the first floor. My professor decided the room is too small, so he moved us to the fourth floor. The problem with that is that the building is a few buildings put together, so you cannnot simply go up the stairs to the fourth floor not all stairs lead to the fourth floor. Just like Hogwarts.

Here are the directions I was given:

Go in the entrance on the quad, then go up the first set of stairs to the second floor. Follow the hall until you see a coke machine. Then turn there and go up those stairs to the fourth floor.

Sounds simply ish.

No

I get to the building, walk up the first set of stairs two flights. All the while carrying an epic backpack as I have class for 8 hours a day. Then I walk down the hall. It never ends. I see a staircase and I am tempted to go up, but I have yet to see this magic coke machine, so I press on. The hallway turns left, then turns right, and turns again. Then I go through some doors. The hallway continues. More doors. And I see it the coke machine. And down the little coke hallway is a tiny set of stairs. Super sketchy. So I go up the stairs two more flights. I make it to the forth floor.

What is on the fourth floor of this crazy hogwarts building with staircases that  go nowhere? Physics department. I had stepped into the big bang department. No wonder it was impossible to find.

One would think that it was all safe. I had made it. One problem remained. I had to go to the restroom. The hallways spread out like fingers on a hand on the fourth floor. I picked one, no restroom. I picked another one, no restroom. Now I was lost.

Why? Magical building, Why?

"How To Be Perfect"

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Reblogged from Waiting for the Karma Truck:

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  • Click to visit the original post

English: Logo of NPR News. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wednesday morning, driving to the gym and listening to NPR.  At that hour of the morning, Garrison Keillor presents ‘The Writer’s Almanac‘ providing interesting factoids about authors that would ensure victory in a game of Trivial Pursuit, if only I would remember them.  He then reads from the ‘Poet’s Corner…

Read more… 479 more words

I have never Reblogged someone, but you must read this post! It will brighten your day and give you much needed refresh button on life!

Oh it is so on.

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Has anyone tasted to new dum dum suckers lately?

They are not the wonderful suckers I once loved as a child.

 

They have all new flavors. Carmel, Cotton Candy, Strawberry Creme, Strawberry Watermelon, Blueberry, mango. And I can assure you they are awful. They have very little flavor and after a few moments they taste burnt.

What has become of my beloved treat?

The only logical explanation of course is aliens. Aliens have taken over american candy are slowly subduing us into a stupor. They are stealing all the good candy for themselves and leaving us with crap. Why? WHY?

Isn’t is obvious? They are super pissed that we won the planet of the year in last years Miss Planet Universe Pageant.

Be warned aliens I am onto you. Sure I let you into our movies and tv shows, but I draw the line at candy. And I fight dirty. So watch you back.

What Remains

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I am attempting to grow a garden. At a wonderful request by Shannon I am going to fill you in with the dramatic tale of what has been happening to my garden. For this story to make any sense you must know where it all began Part One and Part Two.

It was a wonderful time my garden was growing beautifully. Veggies were full of life. And then I went on vacation for a couple of days. It was as though they were just waiting for me to leave. Watching my every move. Yes that is correct, the  thug cats in my neighborhood attacked my garden You see I have thug cats in my neighborhood. They run the streets. Not even the pitbulls have survived in the neighborhood, but they survive. I would not go out after dark if I were you. They will cut you. They lay on my car in the morning just daring me to say something to them.

They ate out almost the entire garden. I should have seen it coming. Set up traps while I was gone.

What remains

I hope you studied part III

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I have been taking you on a magical journey through high school exams. Part One and Part Two.

Giving exams can be quite different from taking them. One of the most frustrating parts of exams is the students who chose not to do the review for the exams. I know I am a great teacher, but you really want me to believe you learned an entire years worth of math so well that you do not need to do any review problems? You flatterer you. Those students are always the first ones finished. I cringe when they set their test down and the front page is covered in mistakes.

Students like that make you understand why someone would want to drink at work. I never would, but I know the feeling of students making you want to drink. There are even t-shirts that say, if you taught highschool you would drink too. Speaking of drinks, I wonder how I can sneak booze into my mother in-laws for memorial day? Should I just flask it? Or go with the Smirnoff in a water bottle? It would be so much easier if drinking wasn’t against their religion. I am just trying to be like jesus and feed the people wine.

As the kids all slowly finish their test, there is always that one still going. They make eye contact and then quickly look away. Knowing I am waiting for them to finish and them alone. It is an intense moment. I try not to look at them, so they will not feel any pressure. Believe it or not I want them to do well on the test. I know you thought I was in teaching for the money, so one day I could go on house hunters international.

Who are these people buying million dollar vacation homes and how do I become friends with them? I have yet to break into this elite group. And watching them on tv is killing me. Must be nice 25 year old couple buying a home in the bahamas because you just want to get away from your stressful life. Must be nice.

As the students all leave for the year I often wonder what I will do without them all summer. Who will fill me in on the latest boy band songs? What will I do without someone telling me how awesome it is to get a driver’s license? And of course what will I do without the daily reminder that every other teacher lets their class go to lunch early?

I always leave my students with this advice- be good and if you can’t be good be safe.

I hope you studied part two

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Yesterday I began a wonderful story of the most amazing time in a students life exams.

Each moment during an exam passes so slowly I could swear it stopped. Or maybe it was just the people father time employs playing a cruel cruel joke on me. Damn you father time, control your employees.

2 hours left alone with my thoughts. Scary.

I often think of Sookie in true blood and hope no one can hear my thoughts. Which makes no sense, as I share my thoughts freely with all of you.

In Louisiana seniors get out of school a few weeks earlier than the rest of the high school. I cannot remember if I got out early as a senior. Is this common place in every state? Why would senior year be shorter than other years? I guess they learned all they needed to know.

I used to row crew in college. There was a girl on my team, lets call her Roxanne. Every time we would go to the gym and workout on the ergs (the rowing machines) it was beyond like a porno. People are known to moan when they workout, but this was beyond moaning. It was full out Samantha sex and the city moaning. Maybe we should have said something to her. Can you imagine if her boyfriend had heard her workout then they had sex and she was quiet. Talk about awkward.

I wonder what goes through peoples mind that think everyone should have a right to bully someone. Do they realize that means someone could bully their kid? I don’t think they realize what the kids do on the internet to each other today. Then again sometimes it is those parents doing the bullying.

I bet those parents wouldn’t be so uptight if they had not had to wear those short shorts for so long.

Oh good now 30 minutes have passed.

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you studied

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Semester Exams are upon us. Students fear them, teachers dread them, and parents sit at home and pray. The whole exam process is intense right up until the exam. Once the exam has begun there is nothing left to do except hope you have studied enough.

image from http://kaykaynewman.files.wordpress.com

As a teacher an exam means sitting in silence for two hours and staring to make sure no one has wandering eyes. As you glance about the room it is quite the amusing sight. There is always the student who has to look around the room, but is careful that they are never looking at someone else. The student who is holding back the tears, as they realize they do not know how to answer a single question. The student who falls asleep in the middle of the test. The student who finishes early and tries to flirt across the room with the popular girl in the corner.

It can be quite boring with nothing to do for hours each day. Thus my mind wanders. I thought I would share with you where my mind wandered today.

First, I noticed a student had hot pink tie dyed socks. And I thought I really love socks. I used to where knee-high rainbow socks with the toes every day. Socks are just so great. You can slide across the wood floor on them. They keep your feet from getting dirty. I should really start wearing socks again.

image from www.campist.com/

I am so uncomfortable. I wish I could sit with my knees up, but that is unprofessional. Sure the kids are sitting like that, but you are the adult. Act like a lady damn it. I went to a conference and this old woman asked me why young people sit with their legs up and not proper, and how she always yelled at her students for it. I shrugged and said it is a generational thing. I value comfort over what I am ‘supposed’ to do. You value what you are ‘supposed’ to do over comfort. She did not buy it.

Maybe she could explain to why men used to not only wear short shorts, but it was normal. OMG. Just the pictures of it have given me nightmares. Weren’t they afraid they would fall out? Why was this ever acceptable?

Then, Papa don’t preach came into my head. Not the Madonna one, but Kelly Osbourne. Gosh I miss the Osbourne’s on MTV. SHARON!!!

And I looked up at the clock and noticed ten minutes had past. Dear God.

 

To Be Continued…

Late Afternoon Thunderstorms

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The long lazy southern summer is upon us. Every where you turn there is another sign. Late afternoon thunderstorms. Cicadas mating sounds echoing off the trees.  The thickening of the air with every breath you take.

I firmly believe it is the summers that truly turn someone southern. Something about the thick air, the front porch swinging with a paper fan and glass of sweet tea, that just changes your soul. The long conversations with friends as you suck the head of the spicy crawfish. Your bare feet on the cold summer grass as the kids run outside to play kick the can before the street lights turn on.

Just thinking of my summer evenings makes me weak at the knees. The warm caress of the summer evening wraps itself around me as I walk down my quiet neighborhood road breathing in the quiet whispers of the night.

I have a torrid love affair with the south as you all know. It is one of those passionate relationships that is either ecstasy or turmoil. Almost an addiction. No matter how bad the south treats me, I just cannot seem to walk away. I yearn for her even more. I want those wide open spaces, and beds of wild bluebonnets the dixie chicks always sing of. Just not the cowboy that comes with it.